Some lighter crematorium….I mean commentary

Posted on December 22, 2011


Last week in my 30,000 foot ramble I commented that people ask “What, you blog?”? Yes, it is a new experience. As to why, I somewhat explained my reasons. But now that I’ve started, it’s taken on a new life.

I think part of it is an outlet. I do a lot of technical writing in my job so it’s very left-brain oriented. Over the last few months there have been several white papers and numerous recommendation documents. Not to mention, I’ve had to respond to and/or justify or, more often than not, refute some sweeping generalization.

So in one sense, being able to blog allows me a little more creative thought processing than the analytical and logical thought processing required from my job.

I’m still trying to find “my voice” though. I don’t want everything to come off as rational and well thought out responses to some situations since that’s what I do every day. I honestly don’t want it to be have a political or religious slant (that’s not to say I won’t occasionally state my point of view or opinion) all the time. That’s one reason I have the Atavan Nation category. It is a place for purely creative writing.

So, let’s lighten it up a bit today. Let me find my inner Dave Barry or Garrison Keillor!

I just wish I could be as funny and humorous as them. I know at work and at home with friends and family I’m quick with the one-liner, leave-em-on-a-high-note punch line. Also, I’m never at a loss to make anyone groan with a “that’s what she/he said” jab.

But damn, writing humor? I’m probably better off trying this on my smart phone with thumb-typing and letting auto-correct do the work for me. Who knows what would come out of that! It’s kind of like that old PSA against pot from the 80’s. It went something like this “Last night you wrote a paper on the constitution while smoking pot”. “This is what you actually wrote.” “So, like, these guys got together and were like, ‘Whoa’, let’s go form a country or something'”.

Similarly, auto-correct is making us look like riders on the small bus at best. For many, it turns them into sex craved nymphos or horn dogs. Heck, auto-correct seems to working hard to out half the country as well (see for yourself at damn you auto correct).

I’ll try to imagine the way auto-correct would interpret spelling or typo’s in this column.

“I’ll try to imagine an auto-erotic way of killing Saphos” (=previous line)
“Last night you wrote a paper on constipation”
“Let me find my inner Halle Berry” = “Let me find my Dave Barry”
“But now that I’ve started, I’ve taken a new wife.” = “But now that I’ve started, it’s taken on a new life.”

I had a real-life dyac moment last week as well. I meant to reply “Ditto!” to my wife’s reply on a birthday greeting for our friend Thom. Instead, she and Thom got “Dingo!”. So now I guess I gotta go find some wild, half-rabid dog for Thom for his birthday/Christmas present.